don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
