I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i now understand why vodka
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
