if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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