Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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