He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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