no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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