she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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