I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
