god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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