i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
