think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
