Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
