hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can I color on your dick again?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
