So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
