I am in a vortex of obligation.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
