sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She needs sedatives and a leash
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
