she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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