Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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