That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
