Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
