bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
