He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
