Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she smelled like a LAN party
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
