would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
