Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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