I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
