so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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