one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
