i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
