roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
