i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
