I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
