So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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