So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is that strawberry winking at me??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
