You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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