Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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