Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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