You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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