the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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