i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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