There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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