i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
