Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
