i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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