It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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