that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
