In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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