Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
