i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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