i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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